Don’t Smoke and Dance [The Promise]

 

She stared all around, at the door then the floor

then cradled her belly so

it was warm this big form ,

a quick glance at the door  and  fumbling hastily

for that  hidden packet of cigarettes so

 

but as she fingered and twirled, the thing of  freezing temperatures,

social changes and smoke that billowed and poured.

that feeling of peace, the knowing threat of disease

she blinked cravings strong and  raw.

 

And like a fly drowning in slaw,

her hair made the decision   NO more!

you promised you wouldn’t ,  you promised you’d used your head

you promised you wouldn’t join those damned and those dead.

 

her muscles twitched with memory

and so did  her swollen belly,  her arm still in a cradling stance

her eyes with salt water did fill,  peering into  the ashtray  unfilled

trying not to curse the unborn.

 

she breathed deep and did sigh

her knees on the floor , her head to sky

as the ashtray set it’s self a  small blaze

in a cruel taunt and a mocking flame  and no cigarette to tame

she draped herself across the sofa all limp

and thought about all the rumours and hiding from the shame.

 

when… you smoke… does the smoke go into your head? a curious child had once said and it had made her laugh for  it was beautiful and simple  while technically true.            In a way she  had said  her face flushing a light red   the child leaving her  as it bounded away too play.

she bit her lip deeply  but no blood was drawn, her lips were pale  and way fuller than the norm. Don’t worry all natural, no skin was cut  or  features modified in any way she would not have it, not her thing that at all.

the salt water had bitterly flowed down her cheeks to the end of  her nose and she wiped them away she would not unravel or fold.

she poked her finger in the tray and remember the old ways of puffing and chatting and more

suddenly she felt a tightening round her  neck , her head then her breasts and struggled to breath  just like before, had she been smoking this whole time? and didn’t realise her crime? she began to panic  dropping the packet and kicked out at the thought.

she couldn’t see at all  what was happening? who else was in the brawl?

she tried to slow her breathing down to feel her way out of the soft darkness closing in  she groped  too feel for something familiar as she couldn’t even feel the ground.

she was flung into a window pane which gained her fiancé’s attention on the lawn. the  small party  held its breath as he loudly swore and muttered not this again  as someone enquired what the hell is going on? some one else  gave a  sharp gasp then the murmuring started as he away from them did briskly walk.

she had found what he had he had hidden  and she knew it had been fobbiden but he understood her plight and fears, the door was hard to push open  his shoulder bruised and possibly broken but he got inside  somehow in the end.

the room was bursting with the same soft substance and he waded through  searching; concerned  a little embarrassed but prominently in was despair for  both their welfares. her face he wanted to caress and see again. and free her from both craving and her strange sentient hair…

he found her eventually  paler than usual  upside down  twisted up in a sort  of … bow  he had grabbed a pair of scissors on his way in  and now  he began cutting it slowly and gently a far cry from the previous hacking and ripping.

She dropped to the floor,  hours had gone and her shaking body he hugged with relief.

why didn’t you come and talk to me he asked you were busy she  murmured  I  just needed to get away from all this… the party…                                                                              it’s the cravings  isn’t it? he looked at her not with hate but sternly

 

yes she said whispered shyly  why does it judge me so harshly?

because it knows your better than this

but …but  it was just a blip…

I’m  personally a little upset honey  and it’s clear to it and me

there were 14 in that packet and you’ve clearly had about…

 

I DIDN’T  I DIDN’T! I… I… just held it … it brought me comfort and stillness  am I not allowed to reminisce or enjoy distant memories?

That’s not the problem…  it says on the packet don’t smoke and dance

I won’t lie and say I understand the stress of  what your going through, two turning into  four or with luck three.

He squeezed her hand and held her face but  when I watched you as you stopped dancing outside and ran in here to cry.

I knew the memories are not of me.

 

 

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